No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
