watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
