im drinking this country out of the recession.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
