Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
