Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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