I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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