maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
