I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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