so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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