Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
