his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
