if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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