Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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