I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
