I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
