Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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