Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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