Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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