The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
