I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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