You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
