Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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