Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
