dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
