I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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