I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
