So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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