so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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