What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
