I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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