peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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