I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
