What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
