The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i drank out of a bidet.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
