Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
