Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
