Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
