Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize