Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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