dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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