Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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