Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
