If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
