He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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