My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
