Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I faked an abortion last night.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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