I'm jealous of your bromance
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
a search helicopter?!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
we're so committed to being not committed
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
