FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
