Need sex. Gaining weight.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
