You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The uberlube is also flammable
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
