I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
