You smell like a Billy Joel song
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
