And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
