her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
