I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
