i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
