Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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