I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
