Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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