I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
