y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Also, beer. Big fan.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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