my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
