There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
