Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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