Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
