You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
